Back to the Blog

Well, I've been in Islamabad for most of the week for a conference, and Troy has been busy with the show back home, so it looks like we've become bad bloggers already. Oh well, what can you do. I'm going to blame this one on Troy. Atleast he had access to a computer.

Islamabad was a pleasant change. Quite a difference, compared to Karachi. Everything is very well planned and laid out. Someone decided back in the sixties that Pakistan needed a new capital, so they created a city. Perfect square blocks form perfect square sectors... each sector has its own market area in the middle. It's a far cry from Karachi, where the roads sometimes go around buildings that were built there illegally years ago; where a half inch of rain causes major flooding. Everything is peaceful and quiet in Islamabad, but its eerie in that "It's quiet... too quiet" kind of way. Everything is just a little too planned out. It feels false... like pretense. I looked around at all the open space and thought, where are all the cars, trucks, crazy busses, donkeys, camels, stray dogs, beggars, rickshaws, burning piles of garbage...? This isn't what I've come to know and love.

But now I'm back. Time to start up this blogging with a vengeance now that we've got it pretty much set up. How do you blog with a vengeance anyway?

Congrats to Troy on the show, I hear it went well.

May the Spud Be With You

Yeah, this is about the coolest thing I've seen today.

And yes, that includes the severed cow's head.

They say the force is strong in that potato.

Look, on the road, a head...

Just wanted to report that on the way to work today I saw a cow head on the side of the road. It was kind of like a Pakistani version of the Godfather. It's a remnant from the Eid celebrations described below. Kind of strange though, half asleep, on the way to work, staring blankly out the window, thinking, "What's that... oh, a severed cow's head... cool."

And as for Troy calling me an Ass, I have to say that I resent that, since the only way that I resemble a mule is in my lack of sexual function.

"A Lie Of The Mind"

Sorry for the lack of updates as of late. Good to see that Dave is pulling the weight of the cart though. He's a good mule. I was going to say ass, but refrained from doing so. I'm nice like that. Anyways, I'm a little short on time today, but I just wanted to make a quick post for anyone in the Fredericton area. I am performing music for the play, "A Lie Of The Mind", going up this Wednesday-Saturday (26th-29th) at Memorial Hall on the UNB campus. Doors open at 7:30pm, showtime is at 8:00pm. If you make it out to the show, feel free to stick around in the lobby afterwards. The cast generally makes their way up shortly after for some meeting and greeting. Love to see you all out. If you have any questions regarding the play or anything in general, feel free to leave a comment in the box, or email me directly at tfulton24@hotmail.com. Well kids, I'm off for one of our last rehearsals. Hope to see you at the show. Cheers.
-Troy-

A Small Tribute to a Comedy Legend...

I just wanted to say a few words about Johnny Carson, who passed away peacefully last night. I'm too young to have watched Johnny in his prime, and even in the early nineties, as he was finishing up, it was still past me bedtime. So, I've only really seen highlights and reruns. In a way, it's good, because I get to see all the hilarious moments, but something is missing in those highlight reels. It's kind of like how a sports clip of the last minute goal leaves out all the anticipation and climax of the previous 60 minutes (Yes, it's a hockey reference, I am Canadian). I know Johnny Carson mostly through his influence. My late night heroes, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien take much from his comedic style, and acknowledge his genius frequently. Even Jay Leno, who's about as funny as a papercut to the eyeball, follows the format perfected by Carson.

So, far all those late night fans out there... Raise a drink... Here's to Johnny... Hope you like the new gig.

For a better tribute than mine, check out this article.

Sri Lanka Before the Storm

From my trip to Sri Lanka in November...
I hate to think what this beach looks like now.

The Silence of the Goats

Today is the second day of Eid here in the sunny Islamic Republic. It's 25 degrees, there's a light breeze off the ocean, and goats are dying by the thousands. Eid is a celebration of when Abraham was asked by God to sacrifice his first born son, Isaac, but just as he's about to kill his son, God says, "No wait, good work, kill this goat instead." That God... What a joker. I bet Job thought he was at Yuck Yuck's the whole time.

So, for these two days everyone sacrifices animals in remembrance of Abraham's faith. I'm told that the streets run with blood. A goat is a sacrifice for one person, a cow counts for more (like 7) and a camel, something like 15. You divide the meat so that a third goes to the poor, a third to the household and a third for your family. Then its time to light up the BBQ.

Even though I'm kind of against this kind of thing, I was morbidly fascinated to see this go on atleast once, but unfortunately, I haven't had the chance. I've also heard some great stories from friends, who had the whole, "Oh look a pet goat to play with for a week... why is he bleeding so much..." type of stories.

I'm just glad I got two days off work.

The Davinci Code Sucks

This has been bugging me for a while, but I keep hearing about this book all the time, so I figure it's still valid. And yes, you're all going to say, "But Dave, you're just jealous of Dan Brown's fabulous success, because you in your twenty-seventh year have yet to publish so much as a preposition of your own worthless scribbling." Weeeelll, some a dat's true. I herby applaud Dan Brown for his ability to read the market like that and inflame the world to buy his book. Good for you Dan! (you lucky SOB). All that said, it still doesn't make it a good book.

Top Ten Lies You’ve Probably Heard About The Davinci Code

10. It's really well written.
It sure as hell isn’t. This is one of the worst written pieces of trash I’ve ever read. I could give you a hundred examples if I had the book here in front of me... which I don't.

9. You Can’t Put it Down.
There’s a simple reason for this. It’s because every chapter ends like this: “And what he saw, was the most amazing thing he had ever seen, perhaps in his entire life, and he knew in his heart, that he would never see anything so incredible ever again… And then the movie music goes “da da Daaa.”… and then... break for commercial.

8. The book is well researched.
There are a lot of facts in this book, that is true, but it’s a far cry from well researched. Half of these facts don’t fit into the writing; they are facts for the sake of facts. When we’re talking about the Louvre, who cares how many security cameras there are. These little factoids jar at you like flat notes in a symphony.

7. You’ll never read anything like it.
Sorry, no. Not really. Once you peel back a few layers, it’s nothing special. I have 35 books at home with the same plot. They’re blue hard-covers about Frank and Joe Hardy.

6. It’s a quick read.
This one is true. But it’s not a good thing. The reason it’s a quick read is that the prose is so simplistic. You could probably read your grade four reader in one sitting too.

5. The ultimate who dunnit.
Not to spoil it for anyone, but here’s a tip: Take out the two protagonists, cancel out anyone that you’re “supposed” to think is the bad guy, and then pick the one person who seems least likely to have done it. Good work Agatha Christie.

4. It’s really controversial.
This one really bugs me. People seem to forget that this is a work of fiction. Anything controversial is basically plagiarized from other “Holy Grail Scholars” anyway. People just love a conspiracy theory. What’s irritating is that for such a “well researched” book, Brown skews history and fact to his liking, and people think, “Well Gee Whiz, it must be true, it’s in a book.” Just one example of many: Brown states that at the Nicean Council the bishops got together and decided, by a slim majority, that Christ was divine. Well, not really. They did get together, but what they were deciding was HOW he was divine… you know, like all that complicated trinity stuff.

3. The plot is so intricate.
Hardly. All you’ve got is two people running around for twenty-four hours solving word games. Remember Silence of the Lambs? Back then anagrams were cool.

2. You’re hooked from the start.
The start is one of the least plausible parts of the book. Ok, you’ve got a seventy year old museum curator, supposedly the last living guardian of an Earth Shattering Secret (gasp!). Instead of running, or dodging, or even moving at all, he lets some guy twenty feet away, behind security bars, shoot him in the stomach. Then, with one of the most painful of fatal wounds, he decides to set a series of clues that only his estranged granddaughter and a renowned Harvard Symbologist, he knows is in town, can decipher. Because even though he has never met this guy, he knows he can trust him and the granddaughter he hasn’t spoken to in ten years with this incredible secret. Oh yes, then he uses his own naked body and blood as the opening clue, and dies spread eagled on the floor. Oh yeah, one last thing. The guy is French, and he does all of this in English.

1. It’s one of the best books you’ll ever read.
No it isn’t. Take a step back from the hype. It sucks.

A Word From Your Captain

The weather in New York is windy and -8. In case you were wondering.

The first time I tried to post here, the thing fucked up, so here's crack two. I've kept online journals before, so this isn't really a new avenue for me, but here at The Blog, it's a fresh start and that generally tends to be a good thing. With my previous journals, I always did them on websites for whatever band I happened to be keeping company with at the time. But since I am now a solo artist without a website, I guess I'm stuck here for the time being, shacking up with my long time friend Dave. Apparently we are sharing this Blog out of the potential laziness of not updating our own seperate Blogs enough and figured if we made this arrangement then there might be at least one new post for you to read in the morning inbetween coffee sips and trips to your favorite PPV sites! Clicky, clicky!

So here it is, 8 bells on a Friday night and I'm at home, smoking, drinking left over egg nog from the holidays and updating the Blog. Lovely! I know what you're thinking! This guy has no life. If that was your assumption, then you win the prize of my dashboard hoola girl. It used to be in my truck, but since she has passed on out of this world and in to the next, CoCo the hoola dancer has been without a home and needs to dance for you. Just leave your name and number in the comments box and I'll drop her off in the morning.

It's obvious that I have absolutely nothing of importance or intelligence to say this evening, so I'm going to wrap things up. I did however, just want to welcome you to The Artsaypunk and say check back often. I'm sure that between Dave and I, we should be able to put something of interest together. I am sad to say that anything deemed "cool" in this Blog will come from my end of things because we all know that Dave and his hair are but a mere spec standing in my shadow. I'm sure he'll have something to say about this, but I'll gurantee it's something I've said in the past, you unoriginal bastard. Ha-Ha! I'm just kidding. Dave's a cool guy. He must be, I let him tell people we're friends right? Sleep tight kids. See you all soon. Cheers!
-Troy-

Okay, Here's the Drill...

Hi, my name is Dave, and this is my blog. I'm currently hanging out in Karachi, Pakistan. Don't bother asking why, because its a long story, you'll just have to ferret out the details by reading between the lines. Either that or you can just ask Troy. Who's Troy? Well, what I hate about blogs is when people say, oh look I have a blog, and then never add anything to it. I fear that given my procrastinating ways, that would also be my fate. But I wanted a way to tell people about my travels and post my photographs, so I had to figure out a solution. So I have asked one of my best friends, Troy, back in Canada, to post as well, so that we can respond to each other's writings. Now, I know what's going to happen here. Soon enough, Troy will be saying this is his blog, using it to promote his music career (he's the starving musician, I'm the starving writer). Soon people will say, who is this Dave character posting on Troy's blog. Well, when that happens, just know that Troy is a compulsive liar, and if you ask if he is lying, he will say no... which is a lie.

Just kidding, I love him like a brother.... But he is a liar.

Welcome Aboard Troy.

In The Beginning...

And so, a blog. Who would have thought. Not me. But then, why not? A chance to air my thoughts to the world, or atleast the 16 friends and family members who might check this out. So, let me figure this out, and get back to you.