Siren Song

Know what I love about kids? They’re so funny. You just never know what outrageous statement is coming next. Kind of like Fox News, except, you know, truthful.

At school the other day, I was asked to stand in for a teacher who was absent. It was a Grade 5 Urdu class, so I knew I wouldn’t have much to contribute to their education that day. After I affirmed, that yes, I’m in a TV show, and that yes, my name is David, but my name on the show is Mike, and that yes, I was wearing a red shirt in one episode, and yes, I do like the colour red, but it is not my favourite, I decided I might as well go with the ole standby: The time-trusted Q&A session about Canada.
“Does anyone know where I’m from?” I asked. They all nodded yes. “Where then?” I prodded.
“Spain!”
I was a little taken aback. “Uh, no, not Spain.”
“France!”
I surreptitiously checked my underarm odour, “Nope, but I do speak French.” I hinted.
“The UK,” shouted out one little guy.
“That’s not even a country.”
“Africa.”
“That’s a whole continent! There’s over fifty countries in Africa.”
“Egypt.”
“No, no,” I tried to clarify, “I’m not from Africa.”
“But Africa’s a continent.”
“Right, so I’m not from any country in Africa.”
“Egypt?” asked the same student again.
I sighed, “No, not Egypt… That’s in Africa, you can rule out that entire continent. But I am from a really big country.”
“Russia!”
“No, not quite that big.”
“America.”
Finally we were getting somewhere, “That’s close,” I said, “but not quite.”
“Australia?”
“No.”
“Austria?”
“No.”
“Afghanistan?”
At this point, I figured these guys were messing with me. “No, no, no.”
And then, seemingly at random, the answer finally came, “Canada?”
“YES! Canada, you win!”
“What do I win?”
“My gratitude.”
“Oh”
Immediately another hand shot up. “On the TV show, you’re from Canada too.”
I shook my head, “Then why didn’t you guess then?”
“Cause TV’s not real.”
He had me there. “No, no it isn’t… Does anyone have any questions about Canada?”
One hand went up immediately. “Yes?”
“In Canada, when an ambulance drives by, do people pull over?”
“Yes, you have to, that’s the law.”
“Oh good.”
I looked around. No further questions. Apparently, their curiosity for Canadian trivia was limited to Emergency Vehicle procedures.
And that was it.

It was going to be a long class.

“Um, anybody need any help with your English homework?”