Anyone have a handbasket I can borrow?

There's something about seeing the dead Pope laid out on the floor of St. Peter's on international, network television that is positively creepy. Yes, he is dead. Yes, it is sad. No, I didn't always agree with his politics, but yes, he was a decent man. Must we see his corpse on TV? He looks much the same as he has for the last ten years, albeit slightly less active.

But I guess it really is too much to expect the networks to let the big man rest in peace. I was waiting for some reporter to ask whether his feeding tube had been removed. You can just imagine the mass-media drooling over that one. Terry Schiavo meets the death of the pope, the story of the year. Afterall, we're talking about the same bunch of folks that have bid on and rented flats overlooking the Sistine Chapel for the past 5 years in the hopes that the Pope would pack it in. "What are those people doing up there my son?"... "Oh, they're waiting for you to die so they have a good angle." ... "Fair enough."

I can't believe I just wrote dialogue for the Pope.

So for now the Pope is a ratings machine. He is a puppet for 24-hour network news... a pope on a rope. Next, I expect Fox to come out with a reality show based on the selection of the new Pope. They could call it "Holy Smoke!" They'll edit together all the footage of the cardinals' selection process add some eerie gregorian chants and spice up the drama. Alliances will be formed and broken, tempers will flare and sparks will fly. "I'm sorry Cardinal Ufitzi, you failed to secure immunity in the last challenge, you have failed to secure the faith of your peers. Your journey towards becoming the supreme pontiff has been a memorable one, but that journey ends now." Oh the drama as it comes down to the final two, which bachelor will God choose? Will the smoke pour from the chimney of the chapel? You'll find out... after the break.

I wonder if there are any Americans out there, watching the news, hearing all about this selection process for the first time, and thinking, "The St. Louis Cardinals get to pick the next pope?... Cool."