Negative Ghostrider, The Pattern is Full...

Last night I was watching part of the movie Top Gun on television and then all of a sudden Goose died. Goose always seems to die every time I watch that movie. It makes me sad. I like Goose. I wish he wouldn’t die each time. He’s the only normal one of the bunch. And I sympathize with him because he’s the only guy that can’t take his shirt off in that strange, sexually charged, beach volleyball game. But, then again, he is married to Meg Ryan, and that’s not too shabby. All of us can take strength from the fact that the smart, funny guy got the hottest girl. And then he dies. But ignore that part… I always do. "Where’s Goose? I don’t know why he’s not at graduation… he must be on vacation."

But I’m serious about the homosexual tension in this film. I lose count of the number of scenes that take place in the shower room. Everyone has to take their shirt off quite a bit, because presumably those air-force uniforms really chafe your skin. Here are a bunch of finely toned young men, living and showering together, and flying half-billion dollar phallic symbols through the air at incredible speeds, penetrating the sound barrier, if you will. Because, after all, they have a need… a need for speed. Then you have such choice, smolderingly intense dialogue as:

"You’re still dangerous… but you can be my wingman any day."
"No… you can be mine."
(Intense, steely glares dissolve into a loving brotherly embrace.)

Pitcher? Catcher? it’s the ole dilemma.

Another thing that struck me this time around (since, thanks to TBS and crew, we have all seen this film at least a dozen times) is that I realized that I have no idea what the co-pilot does in an F-16. From what I can tell, they just kind of look around and yell a lot. "There he goes!" "He’s right behind us!" (accompanied by much rubber-necking and swiveling in the seat). I would think it gets kind of annoying. You’re busy trying to defy physics and your dude is in the back yelling at you: "Get back in their Maverick!" "What are you doing Maverick?" "They’ve got a lock on us Maverick!" It’s like having your mom as a back seat driver or something. "Maverick you slow this jet down this minute. Did you indicate that G-force turn? Is there a speed limit up here? Can you turn down the radio, I can’t hear a thing over that guitar anthem."

And has anyone ever noticed that this movie has exactly the same plot as "Days of Thunder?" that Tom did a few years later. Seriously, exactly the same thing except with cars instead of jets. It’s your basic - hero comes in, kicks some ass, endures a tragedy, is humiliated by steely competitor almost as good as him, loses his edge, is spurred back into action by another event, endures similar tragedy again but comes through it stronger than ever, and then wins the day - story. I think this plot line should be called the Achilles-Patroclus paradigm, since it was developed by Homer in The Iliad (and there was just as much sexual tension then too). Same story, just with less inexplicable confrontations with hostile Russians.

But luckily for Tom, he met Nicole Kidman in "Days of Thunder" and, after taking some time to hang out with his autistic older brother, moved with her to Ireland and became an illegal boxer, and then moved to America to race across the frontier and die a few times. Which was fine, because he’s actually undead ever since he took the profits from his bar "Cocktails and Dreams" to fund a time machine to travel back and become a vampire. On his return, he tried another stint in the military, but he didn’t last long because he couldn’t handle the truth. So, he tried his hand at a number of careeers: sports agent, secret agent, futuristic pre-crime fighter, samurai, crazy cab-driver plaguing grey-haired assassin….

As for Goose, he did survive that crash. He lost his memory, washed ashore and dedicated his life to becoming an ER doctor in Chicago. The only thing he lost was his hair. And then he dies.