Last Night A Driver Saved My Life...

Of all the fellas that make their living by driving me around, I definitely like Majeed the best. He is always reliable, safe and punctual. But beyond being a good driver, I always felt a bond with Majeed, always sensed a camaraderie which I can’t really explain because he doesn’t really speak much English. Maybe it was because he reminds me of darker, swarthier version of my cousin Paul Robichaud, or maybe because when I would make a joke or try some Urdu he would always laugh. In any case, I like the guy… Good ole Majeed.

Anyway a while back I actually had a dream about Majeed. Ok, quit it, not that kind of dream, that’s not what I meant by camaraderie. Anyway, Majeed was driving me to a national conference for NGOs in the education sector. It was early morning, I was sleepy, but I noticed a man walking two, huge Alsatian Shepherds. Just as I was taking this in, Majeed turned to me and said, "Those are beautiful animals," in perfect English. He even sounded kind of aristocratic and British. I was taken aback. I really didn’t think it was fair of him to have been hiding his English skills from me for so long. I immediately suspected that I might be in a dream, but I looked around and didn’t see a midget on a tricycle, so I was unsure. I realized that a reply was in order, so I stammered, "Yes, they sure are." Majeed nodded solemnly and said, "I once had an animal of such a caliber. He was nearly 200 pounds." "Hmmm" I said. I thought maybe I should try to lighten the mood, so I added, "200 pounds, just like me…" Majeed stared at me for a moment before turning his eyes back to the road and saying, "Were I you, I would not compare myself to an animal." I realized I had made some kind of tactical error. "Ahh, right, exactly, only kidding." I stammered.

We arrived at the venue and I proceeded into the large conference room on the top floor. Representatives from all the Education NGO’s were there to discuss government policy, and the Teachers’ Resource Centre, where I work, had sent me there to report on the proceedings. The conference room was beautiful and surrounded on all sides by full windows overlooking the city (in fact it looked suspiciously like the view from Fuji, a local sushi restaurant that I frequent, but there was no sashimi in sight).

I stood back from the crowd and admired the view. As I scanned the room, I suddenly realized that I couldn’t see any government representatives, and at the exact same moment I heard helicopter blades slicing the air outside the building. In a flash of knowledge, possible only in dreams, I realized that all the NGOs were being set up by some fanatical wing of the government. We were trying to educate the people and they wanted to keep the people down. We were there to be taken out; it was a massive hit.

The scene morphed into the Godfather Part III, where all the Dons are brought together in the conference room and gunned down. The helicopter appeared outside the window with a side-mounted gattling gun like in the Matrix (I didn’t see Keanu Reeves, but the gunner’s face was emotionless… so, same thing). I tried the doors, but they were locked. Just as the firing started, the doors smashed open with a CRASH and Majeed came flying through the wreckage, dove over a table and tackled me to the ground behind the buffet tables. I looked up at him in awe. Majeed had saved my life. I kind of expected him to pound his chest and say, "Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in!" but I realized that that would be my role and it wouldn’t really make sense. Instead, he reached behind him and pulled out a nine-millimeter pistol, handed it to me and said, "And now my friend, we fight for justice." I was getting the hang of this dream, so I said, "Fair enough" secured the weapon, locked and loaded, and ran out the door with my driver as soldiers of fortune.

The day after the dream, I decided I would give Majeed a 1000 Rupee tip for being such a good driver, and saving my life in a dream… but I forgot.