Bits and Pieces...

I’ve always felt sorry for Michael Collins, "the other guy" on the Apollo 11 Moon Mission, because I always tell myself to remember his name but I just can’t do it. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and um, the other guy. If I were him, I’d be kind of pissed. "Ok, yeah, sure, you guys go ahead, I’ll just circle around and look for a place to park this thing." I kind of wish he had a catchy, memorable name like Buzz or Armstrong…. Maybe, Velocity Jones.

Sometimes a round peg will fit in a square hole, or vice versa, if you really jam them in there. Personally, I think this is how a lot of marriages function.

I never really appreciated the full effectiveness of a paperweight before I moved to Pakistan where the ceiling fan is much more of an active player than in Canada.

I bet you Bette Davis was a big fan of the organ donor program.

Sometimes when I’m stuck in traffic I wish we had transporter technology like in Star Trek. But then I realize that if that were true, we would all be extremely fat, albeit well-traveled.

I think I look best in profile, so when I talk to people, I always try to do it perpendicularly.

Someone asked me the other day if it should be considered a homicide if someone with a split-personality commits suicide. I said No, because that’s stupid.

I think that Martin Scorcese has lost his edge and is currently only making films that kind of remind you of old Scorcese films.

I think that smegma is one of the most revolting words in the language, yet so appropriate.

I would floss everyday if my gums didn’t bleed so much. Consequently, my gums wouldn’t bleed so much if I flossed every day.

I think it’s amusing to refer to The Beatles as the band Paul McCartney was in before Wings. Amusing, unfortunately, only to me.