The Davistani

Last Saturday I went to "Fez Night," which is a private club party held every couple of weeks. In Karachi, if you’re not going out to eat at a restaurant, then you pretty much make your own entertainment. People look forward to Fez, because it’s something a little different than yet another house party, but realistically, it’s not all that different, it’s just not at someone’s house. Basically, you buy a ticket, and then try to grab a table in a room that’s much smaller than you think it is, but blessedly air-conditioned. Half the room makes up the dance floor, and that’s about all there is to it. It’s kind of like a large-scale high-school dance, except with booze smuggled in… so, more or less exactly like a high-school dance, except it’s more fun because we’re all adults now (for the most part). I know it sounds like I’m dumping on this party, but quite truthfully, I had a great time.

I’m not sure why it’s called Fez night to tell you the truth, except that the waiters and peons all wear red fez caps on their heads. This led me to remark to one girl that they reminded me of Organ Grinders. It wasn’t until later that I realised that there isn’t really a context for organ grinding in South East Asia, and she had no idea what I was talking about. In retrospect, she seemed a little uncomfortable while I was talking about grinding organs, and downright confused when I mentioned the monkey. Oh well, that’s the kind of moves I’ve got for the ladies. I’m smooth.

With Long Island Ice-Teas coursing through my system, I bumped into a couple of friends I hadn’t seen for a few months. One of them gave me a big bear hug and said, "You’re still here? You Fucking Paki You!" I laughed, and chose to take it as a compliment.

But it wasn’t until yesterday that I realised that I had become much more Pakistani than even I had realised. I was at work and found that I had to use the bathroom. Not a big deal, but I’m not a fan of using the facilities at work; I like my comfort zones. Nevertheless, I did the deed, reached for the Muslim shower (hand-held bidet) and found that it was broken. I was like, "Well shiit, now I’m going to have to use all that toilet paper." Considering that I was basically scared of that device when I arrived, and had no idea how to go about using it, I’ve come a long way baby.

Where’s my citizenship offer?