Queer Eye for the Straight Penguin

Well, what do you know? A German zoo, wondering why their penguins have never had baby penguins, just found out that their penguins are gay. Ooooh, you look so hot in that tuxedo. So, the zoo has brought in female penguins from abroad to steer them along the waterslide of straighthood. Nothing like a refrigerated truck load of foreigners to turn the guys around. And all the better, the sexy lady penguins are from Sweeden.

Now truly, should Zee Germans really be forcing sexuality on these poor flightless birds? They do have a history of sexually descriminating against antarctic birds, but you won't find it in any history books. I refer, of course, to the alleged "Hitler visit" to the Berlin zoo in september of 1941, afterwhich, all of the zoo's deformed, gay and Jewish animals slowly, and methodically disappeared. Among their number, were the infamous penguin pair "Cloe and Zoe." (Please insert Umlauts) (You know, two dots over the "e"s). So German penguins are no stranger to the heavy hand of the zoological zeitgeist of homophobia.

I say, fight for your rights lads! Flap your flippers high, and squawk for emancipation! Fight for your right to slippery sexual escapades! Gay Penguins of the world Unite! Just stay outta America!