Wilson's Discount, Speed Safari

For our trip to Queen Elizabeth National Park (similar to Queen Victoria Park, but less stuffy) we decided to hire a driver for the day. We settled on a guy named Wilson, who does a lot of driving for Anna's school, agreed to pick us up at 5 AM (I didn't even know there was a 5 AM), and charged us an agreeable rate. So we took off dark and early, and I must say, I was impressed with Wilson’s driving. He was safe, yet wasted no time. I was less impressed, however, when we actually arrived at the park and it came time for the actual “game drive.” It was as if his idea of a safari was to see how fast he could complete the circuit. I think what happened was that he thought he was just dropping us at the park for someone else to tour us, and was thus pissed off that he was burning his fuel around the park at such a discounted rate. Whatever the reason, this guy was flying. We’re cruising along, and I’m exchanging “Is this normal?” glances with Anna and Mike, convinced that I’m not going to see a single animal on the savannah. Anna says “Ahh, Wilson, Mpora-pora” and he would slow for a bit, and then gradually get up to speed again.

Gradually, we started coming into herds of animals, and Wilson did slow down. He confided in us that the worst thing that could happen is if there were elephants on the road because then we would be stuck with them in front of us. Oh yes, I thought, that would be terrible. But still, Wilson’s safari technique was hilarious. We would see a Kob antelope up ahead, and tell him to stop. He would slow down, but never enough. Then he would always stop just as the animal was taking off. As a result, my digital camera is filled with snaps of animal’s asses. “And this is an antelope ass, and this is a buffalo ass…” Wilson would console me and say, “It’s ok, antelope is common, I have seen many.” Well bully for you Wilson.

Eventually though, I did get some quality shots of crested cranes (Uganda’s National symbol, and “the most humble and noble of birds” according to one fella we talked to), water buffalo, antelope, water-buck, wart hogs, hyenas, hippos and the works. Wilson though, was still in fine form. At one point I got a great shot of a huge buffalo, and then, five minutes down the road, there was a herd of buffalo with the white birds on their backs. I told him to stop so I could get a shot. “But you have this snap!” he protested. I told him to stop nonetheless, which he did, but not before scaring all the birds away with his rattling Toyota. “Buffalo are Common” he said as he pulled off, apparently completely ignorant of the fact that African Big Game Animals are relativeley rare in Canada.

We arrived at the lodge for a pleasant lunch, but still Wilson was confused. He asked if he was supposed to start home, and thank god he asked. We told him that no, he was to stay while we ate, relaxed, and then took a boat tour at 3:00, then we would call him at 5:30 to head home. At this point, total resignation slid across Wilson’s face. He was in it for the long haul. We struck off on our boat tour and saw many more hippos, a few elephants, crocodiles, thousands of birds, and it was quite spectacular, I think mostly because Wilson wasn’t driving the boat.

On the way home, around sunset, we came around a bend to find at least 30 Baboons lazing on the road. Stop, Stop! We cried out, which Wilson eventually did. My camera was dead, so we just watched them for a bit. “I go?” Wilson asked, obviously itching to get home. We tried to tell him to ease ahead so we could see the mothers with their babies further up. Whether he heard us or not, I don’t know, but he ignored our request and sped out of there like Andretti out of the pit. “Common,” I heard him mutter as we raced into the setting sun.