How to Speak Pakistani in 12 Easy Steps...

The following has been taken from the Dave-Ford Pakistani Phrase-Book, first edition. This is a valuable guide that I am writing to help any other misguided foreigners in interpreting the wonderful people of this strange land. These selections, in particular, are from the section entitled: "The Upperclass Youth: Their Means and Ways"

Phrase: "We'll get started sometime after 9:00."
Translation: "We'll expect you around midnight."

Phrase: "Be here at 9:30 Sharp."
Translation: "We'll expect you around midnight."

Phrase: "We're having a party, why don't you stop by?"
Translation: "There will be an open bar, waiters, DJ's, at least 200 people, and enough gossip to keep you going until the next party."

Phrase: "Want to go for a drive?"
Translation: "Have you made your peace with God?"

Phrase: "We'll probably leave this wedding in 10 minutes"
Translation: "Food is served"

Phrase: "Is the food too spicey for you?"
Translation: "What are you, some kind of pussy?"

Phrase: "I don't have a mobile phone."
Translation: "I don't exist as a human being."