And the Oscar goes to...

Here is my Oscar Recipe for Success:

If you are a woman: Make yourself ugly.

If you are a man: Play a character who is handicapped in someway or another.

In this way, we can assume the absolute be all and end all Oscar winner, would be an ugly, transvestite, prostitute murderer with a reverse-nose job, who grew up an autistic, child-prodigy pianist, over pressured by parental forces, and is now obsessive compulsive, blind and says "Who-Ahh!" all the time.